My wife and I just celebrated our six year anniversary a few weeks ago. Six years is a long time. This is about the moment when I thought I would know what I was doing or at least have something to say about how to do this whole marriage thing.
I used to think all it took to be an expert at something is, time. Once I did something for long enough I would become an expert. Like in school, I struggled for a long time to get decent grades but eventually, I figured it out. In college, I finally started to get good grades.
It was crazy if I study and did my homework I had a higher chance of getting an A. I figured about the formula. I finally got it. By the time I got to graduate school I had the highest GPA I ever had.
Marriage is different. It doesn’t have some formula for getting an A. Marriage is great, awesome, messy, and difficult all at the same time. It’s not like school in the way that I could go to class + study + homework = getting an A in the class. Marriage doesn’t work the same way.
What I do know is that over the past six years I’m more loving, caring, and kind because Caitlin has been in my life. She has shown me how to do this for the past eight years and counting.
When I was a youth pastor Caitlin would see one of the students from across the room. In the middle of a conversation, she would walk over, introduce herself, and take this student to meet the other students so that they wouldn’t feel alone. Caitlin hates it when people feel alone.
She also doesn’t like it when other people are mean. She’s a lot like Taylor Swift in that way, especially when she says, “Why do they have to be so mean?”
Caitlin has taught me to love, care, and be kind to everyone. She has shown me these things by doing them every day.
I don’t have some secret formula for a successful marriage, but what I do have is Caitlin. I’ve spent every day for the last six years with her and when you spend this much time with someone you see what’s important to them. When you see what’s important to them those same things become important to you as well.
Marriage like most things isn’t a math problem where I can plug numbers into an equation. I don’t have the answers to the perfect marriage mostly because it doesn’t really exist.
Marriage is about bringing together two imperfect people. Marriage is awesome and difficult all at the same time. When I look back six years ago and see where I’m at today I know I’m more loving, caring, and kind. I’m this way because of Caitlin.
I want to be the kind of person that leads people deeper and deeper into love and kindness just like my wife does every day.